Episode 7: Becoming a Leader of Free Speech
In the last episode, I shared my experience with intense anxiety about the unknown in conversation. I outlined how I used to be tormented by the inherent uncertainty within communication and also by the possibility of rejection resulting from misunderstandings. I discussed how it can be extra triggering for certain people with OCD to speak freely because they obsess about being clearly understood and clearly understanding others. They might also struggle with allowing others to speak freely. When somebody shows signs of not understanding, agreeing with, or approving of what they say, it can create intense discomfort that leads to exhausting rituals that only serve to refresh the anxiety. The person’s life becomes consumed by resurrecting interactions in their minds and asking people about them, trying to be absolutely certain about them and to then create “new and improved” interactions that establish clarity and understanding and resolve anxiety. As I’ve said before, this is an impossible task when it comes to thinking and feeling, animate objects like human beings, who remember things incorrectly, change their opinions, lie, and don’t always understand their own minds. To be human is to be unclear.
Today, I want to talk about the larger, societal addiction to being agreed with and how we who live with OCD might serve as leaders in building tolerance to the discomfort that comes when we stop censoring ourselves and others in conversation. Because OCD often gets so hyper-focused on the particular details of particular situations—usually ones in the past or future—I think zooming out and looking at bigger pictures can help restore us to the life that’s available in the present. Thinking more generally and larger than oneself is truly one of the best antidotes to getting unstuck in self-focused, obsessive thinking.
In that spirit, I’ll argue that people curating what they say or trying to control the narrative in conversation to avoid upset and disagreement has become a major societal issue—not just something impacting those with OCD. As a society, we seem to be doing everything we can do avoid the discomfort that comes with being social creatures who don’t know or understand everything. These days, many people take words as seriously as we with OCD take our thoughts, considering them threats or even crimes themselves. In the United States, where free speech is supposed to be a human right according to the Constitution’s First Amendment, we can no longer respectfully express our ideas in certain contexts without risking serious implications. Sure, we don’t have to worry about getting burned at the stake anymore for sharing an unpopular opinion or new idea others don’t understand or support, and we won’t usually be killed for sharing a perspective that doesn’t take a number of perspectives into account. However losing our jobs, friends, and places in society are real threats these days. One of my favorite podcasters recently did an episode describing how she’d started to dread making episodes because of the backlack she gets as a result of talking about relationships between men and women. She said something like, “Hey guys, I’m straight, so I’m just talking about what I know. Just because I’m not also talking other kinds of relationships doesn’t mean I’m homophobic or transphobic.” She shared how the bad ratings she gets for using words like “masculine” and “feminine” impact her livelihood.
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