Episode 4: Is it OCD, my personality, perfectionism, or just being a person?
https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/simone-aliya/episodes/4--Is-it-OCD--my-personality--perfectionism--or-just-being-a-person-e3095fq
“I’M SO OCD.” We’ve all heard it, haven’t we? One instance that stands out in my mind is from 2017, in the locker room at the hot yoga studio where I used to teach in Bozeman, Montana. I think this moment distinguishes itself from others because it was the first time I revealed having OCD to strangers. And although I didn’t share my story in the locker room or even anything about the disorder, it was also the first time I realized I wanted to eventually do something to raise OCD awareness and give people a better sense of what the disorder is and what it isn’t. I also felt clear that I wanted to use my experience and writing to help others living with OCD feel more centered and connected. As I’ve heard it said somewhere before, I planned to create to educate and relate. I really can’t remember who said that. If it was you, and you’re listening to this and want credit, just let me know.
So it was after class, and I overhead a student who was washing her hands say to another student, “I’m so OCD. I always have to wash my hands after class.”
“Oh my God, I’m so OCD too,” the other student said as she rubbed coconut oil all over her body. “My cuticles have to be perfect, or it drives me nuts.” Side note, but in Ayurveda, this can be an excellent, pitta-balancing practice, helping eliminate an excess of heat and fire in the body or mind.
Okay, so yoga is supposed to diminish the desire to holler at people and then ball your eyes out, right? Actually, wait, nevermind about the crying. Most yogis will admit to having cried in class on at least one occasion. But there I stood, feeling the urge to not only cry but also shout. I wanted to say, “If your cuticles aren’t ‘perfect,’ are you paralyzed by fear that they’ll be all you can think about until your dying day unless you make them just right? Or do you worry that not making them just right will actually cause you or somebody you love to die? To avoid these catastrophes, do you ‘perfect’ your cuticles for hours even after making them bleed? Do you feel like you have to do all of this even though you don’t really care about your cuticles at all?” I wanted to tell her about how, when I was a patient at The OCD Institute at Mclean’s Hospital in Boston, I met a guy so terrified of stabbing himself or somebody else that being around sharp objects caused him debilitating anxiety. To ease his distress, he tapped things four times. But because he could never be sure he’d actually tapped four times, he performed the ritual over and over again. This man did not lead a functional adult life where he did things like go to yoga and then rub coconut oil all over his body and make causal remarks about being “so OCD.”
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